It is the 18th of February, it’s half term and it’s just another week for the adults.
So, I promised a little update about the lifestyle change…let’s start shall we…
The other thing that happened, is I have given up monsters, you might not know this, but then again of course you do, I LOVE a monster, and it was daily need, and I increased to a 2 a day habit. As well as this I had given up Pepsi max. I will tell you now, the caffeine come down was disgusting I thought I was going to die. This along with with vegetable for tea, no matter how pretty I made it, it was horrible.
Awful headache foe 3 days, but then I felt more human. 16 days later we had finished the food prison, having eaten what felt like a million eggs, I was 10.6lb down. Felt better, and more ready to tackle the next stage of calorie counting.
I’m back to the gym three days a week, increasing my steps, drinking more water and pissing loads.
I am using this platform to document how things are, and sometime I wonder how much I need to hold back and keep to myself, but then that’s not being accountable and I need to break down the walls that I have created, the walls of guilt and worry. They are smaller than they once were but they are still there, and that make me scared.
I am a confident person, but I am masking more and more each day, putting on a smile and creating more pressure that I don’t need to put on myself. It’s exhausting.
I have high functioning anxiety, a left over present from the relationship that broke me, broke me hard and left me picking up pieces some I couldn’t find. This anxiety means I still apologise for everything, I still worry I am saying the wrong thing, still on edge. It’s better, it’s loads better, but there days when I am just exhausted of being a bubble of worry.
I am beyond fortunate to be surrounded by the best people, from the MILFS to the Best Bitches, People who don’t judge me, don’t expect things from me and just love me. They are my world. I also have my Benjamin, the boy who picked me up when I needed it, brought me back from the pit I had fallen in. My Tyler is my life, he is the reason I keep moving forward, my little best mate.
This weekend I am heading the Liverpool, to visit my friends of the kinky internet, the girls who make my days, the girls who I have seen more of them on the internet that I have in real life. This is an adventure I am so excited for, to visit a place I haven’t been to since I was 14, to drink and chat shit with the girls who make me feel sexier than I could ever imagine. We have connected over showing ourselves, and found we have so much more in common, connected and become sisters without even trying. This weekend is going to be amazing and I feel it’s just what I need. A little moment, just for me….is that selfish?
Anyway, that’s enough of the essay for you for now.
*leaves the chat ✌🏼
A Hudgell's Ramblings 
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